Wednesday, October 22, 2008

To be or not to be..? part 2

Rebecca is supposed to keep her feet elevated for 3o minutes, so we do so in silence. The occasional nurse comes in to bring fresh toasty blankets, but all Rebecca wants is more water. She is thirsty. And is parched from not drinking or eating the night before.

After a spell, our favorite nurse, Helen comes in with some R2D2 distant cousin. With hands of a magician, a wand is grabbed, a monitor is turned on, and a black and white screen comes to life. Soon this ultra sound is sending us the first images of the inside. And letting us know if and where these follicles have landed.

She finds them, and hits print, and Helen and R2 make their exit. As do we, but first stop to sit in Danzer's office. And as we nervously watch him flip through our enormous navy blue three ring binder case file, looking at this mornings images and figures, and then last months, and and spinning some calculation wheel thingie, and jotting them down..

He closes the binder, puts down the pen and his glasses and goes through where we are at. He softly, calmly tells us that things went well and no, those little follicles wont fall out by peeing or by hitting a pothole on the way home.. For now, we just have to see what happens.

And like that, its over.. He wants to see us in two weeks, and we kind of walk out of the building looking at that strange print out Helen gave us.

Its really more of a weather stormfront image that is appears more 'meteorology' than 'fertility', but for the time being, our hopes are pinned on this little blip on the paper.

Pixel or person, we pray for 'person'.

And with that we drive home through all this traffic. All these cars racing to work, all these cel phones and black berries getting their butons pounded, all these business suits and high heels pounding pavement. In some strange way, I feel completely disconnected, swimming up stream, and this solitude with my wife feels great.

I feel like its just us and what is going on in my wifes belly right now. No deadlines, no freelance, no stresses. Gotta get Rebecca home to rest and let that follicle find its way..

Two days of bed rest and videos and Lifetime Network is the prescription, and we couldnt be more hopeful.

Fingers crossed...

To be or not to be..?

This morning Rebecca and I returned to Dr. Danzers office, for another round of IVF. Of our 13 original fertilized follicles, we are down to 3. We decided to thaw out, and implant the two healthiest, and our Doc picked these two:

Good looking pair, huh? Well Danzer thinks so. And after about five years of sex, specialists, surgeries, blood samples, not to mention test tubes, time tables, follicles and freezers, it all came down to one moment. Five or six of us in a room, Rebecca in her paper gown, Danzer with his scrubs and headlamp on, and we are all just waiting.. Suddenly a nurse barges in elevating a large goofy floppy syringe. She checks the label, and then Rebecca's wrist band, and hands it to Danzer.

Within 30 seconds he has found 'tranquility base' and the 2 follicles take their first steps on the planet Rebecca. Soon every one exits, leaving Rebecca and I, fingers crossed, staring at some bland photo of a wheat field.